Unbreak My Heart
04/17/10
I’m an optimist by nature and the medications I’m taking only enhance that virtue. People who know me understand that behind my wry, deadpan sense of humor and my unperturbed, stony face beats a heart made of marshmallow that expects from life nothing short of rainbows and clouds made of cotton candy. So I harbor the hope that my kids will love their Colombian culture so truly and deeply that they will make an effort to make Spanish a constant part of their lives.
Photo by Wolfgang Staudt
But I’m almost 34 years old and having my mushy marshmallow heart torn apart or set ablaze in a bonfire time after time has added a healthy dose of harsh realism to my worldview. That’s why I’ve been mentally and emotionally preparing for the day when my boys will give me the much dreaded:
“NO MÁS, Old Man. We’re going English only. It’s not you, it’s us, and what we’re going through. But you’re a great guy and we’re sure there is a nice kid out there who will give you the Spanish chatter that you deserve.”
I just didn’t think that day would come so soon.
A month or so ago, I was subjecting my son Gabriel to the usual cheap psychological reverse engineering tricks that I believe give me a logical map of his beautiful mind:
– “Gabriel, what language do you speak with Papá?”
– “Spanish!”
– “And what language do you speak with Mamá?”
– “English!”
(And here is where I naively doubled-down…)
– “And what language will you speak with your baby brother Samuel?”
– “English!”
(Papá gets lightheaded and the coronary artery of his marshmallow heart catches on fire…)
– “You’re not going to speak Spanish with Samuel?”
– “No…” (in a “duh” kind of tone)
– “Why not?”
– “Cuz I don’t want to…”
That ended the conversation very coldly. How can you argue with that? The boy doesn’t want to speak Spanish to his baby brother, and that’s that.
But c’mon! He’s not even 3 years old yet! In the next 15 years he’ll probably go from wanting to be an ice skater to wanting to be a firefighter to a stockbroker to a freelance journalist for People Magazine until he finally settles for being the lead singer in a popular, non-derivative garage rock band. The optimist in me kicks back in and acknowledges that I can’t take too much stock in the findings of my cheap psychological trick applied to a 2 year-old boy.
Fast-forward a week or so and what do we have? The realization of every bilingual-parent-turned-desperately-insecure-blogger’s dream: When Gabriel is in the room with Papá and Samuel, Gabriel addresses Samuel in Spanish. When it’s Mamá instead of Papá in the room, Gabriel addresses his baby brother in English. And when both parents are in the room, he switches back and forth depending on the language of the dominant conversation that’s taking place.
The moral of this convoluted fable of heartbreak? Just like with any other aspect of parenting, all you can do is take it easy and stir the ship in the direction you charted for your crew. The tide might take you off course every now and then, but love, optimism, and focus will shift things back to that rightful place of rainbows and sweet skies. Or not, but most likely, yes.
I spoke only Spanish to my boy until one day, at the age of almost 4, he completely told me – no more. He declared, “you may speak Spanish if YOU want, but from now on I will only speak English.” And so it is. His stubborn little mind has not uttered a word in Spanish (willingly) since that day. Now, this fall he will begin kindergarten in a Spanish immersion program – take that! Mama will not be defeated. We actually moved 30 miles away to find a dual-language program where 90% of the time Spanish will be used in the classroom. He has been informed of this decision and has adamantly stated “I will not go.” More later….
Mama, that is both funny and depressing, but I am prepared for the same fate. I can’t wait to hear more about how it goes for you and your son! If you care to share, I would be interested in learning about what your language environment is like where you live: lots of Spanish speakers? Very few? Extended family who speaks Spanish, etc?
My little boy does not hear Spanish spoken very often. His Dad does not speak Spanish. I speak Spanish to him as often as I can reasonably get away with. We live in a Chicago suburb and he has little family in the state and they speak mostly English with him. Our neighborhood has no Spanish-speakers. His pre-school offers Spanish once a week for half an hour and every summer I enroll him in a Language Stars summer camp where he is immersed in Spanish for 3 hours 2x a week.
Our new school district has a Dual Language program (also called two-way immersion) from K-8 because we have native Spanish speakers in a neighboring suburb. If you are not familiar with these programs, you can find more information at
http://www.cal.org/topics/fl/immersion.html
They maintain a list of these programs throughout the U.S. You may want to see if there is one near you. I have several nieces and nephews in California who are enrolled in a similar program and it is the only way their parents have found to keep Spanish alive in their households. I hope to have similar success.